Big Girls Don't Cry
by StarstruckLily
Summary: Sarah Wilson, formerly Sarah Jacobs, had left the love of her life with the admonishment it's time to grow up.  Now that he has, will she be able to accept the fact that her own life has fallen short of her expectations?


Sarah Wilson, formerly Sarah Jacobs, quietly slipped into one of the last pews of the small church. Though she had been invited, and in fact clutched her crumpled invitation in her left hand, she felt distinctly out of place. She knew almost everyone present; had, at one point, been close with many of them. Much had changed, however, in the time gone by. This was far from the first wedding she had been invited to, though the first she had attended, and many of the other boys were already tied down to waitresses and showgirls that she had known during the strike.

Despite all the hardship and tears, the strike had been one of the happier times in her life. She had been a part of something greater than herself, something that had affected so many.

And she had been in love.

She was still in love, if she would let herself admit it. Jack Kelly had been the constant in her life as she ascended from girl to woman, as she coped with the death of her mother and the sudden distance her father placed between them in his grief. He became a part of their family, as David's best friend, Les's hero, and the love of Sarah's life. For almost two years they worked by day and courted by night, and whispers and rumors of their impending marriage became more and more prominent at the Lodging House where Jack still lived, despite so many of his old friends having moved on and taken more 'grown up' jobs.

That Jack still stayed in the LH and sold newspapers for a living was a point of contention between he and Sarah; she wanted to settle down, and start a family, and that was impossible with Jack only earning pennies a day. They fought about it occasionally, then more and more often as Sarah chafed at being the only one of her old school friends to still be unmarried or unengaged, to still be unsure of her future.

One night everything escalated past the point of no return. The muggy summer heat had forced them out of the apartment, up the fire escape, and onto the roof, the site of their first, albeit unofficial, date nearly two years prior. They hadn't talked of anything much, but after a time Jack brought up the upcoming second anniversary of the strike, and the party that was being planned at- where else- Irving Hall.

She knew that she should have bitten her tongue, shouldn't have brought up that it was also their second anniversary as a couple, shouldn't have asked if his precious newsies were always going to be more important than her. Jack, easily provoked by the subject, had retorted that if she couldn't understand the most important thing he'd ever do in his life that maybe they shouldn't be together anymore. Sarah, now completely incensed, eyes bitter, snapped that if he wasn't going to try to do anything more important with his life than lead a bunch of street children then she didn't want to be with him anyway.

It wasn't until after he clanged down the fire escape that she broke down, watching his back disappear around the corner through tear-filled eyes. For a moment the urge seized her to run after him, to apologize, to smooth over the fight as she had done so many times before. But this time, her pride finally stronger than her love, her resolve to leave him remained.

David, the person closest to both of them, tried for almost a month to get them back together. He could see, more than anyone else, how hard it was on both of them; how Jack now refused to come to their apartment, meeting David at Tibby's instead, and how Sarah would go blocks out of her way to avoid Duane Street, the distribution office, or the area where Jack sold his papers. While both were getting much more exercise, the avoidance was preventing them from returning to their every-day lives.

One night David went so far as to ask the almighty Spot Conlon, former King of Brooklyn, for help. Spot, curious to see what all the trouble was about, met with Jack at Tibby's before visiting Sarah at her apartment. He refused to tell her what Jack had said, and as they sat on the roof, avoiding the corner where the fateful argument had occurred, she avoided his eyes and said "It's time for me to grow up."

"I understand."

And, in his own way, he did. He had left the world of the newsboys behind nearly a year ago, taking a job at the docks instead in search of higher pay and a better standard of living. Of course, he also felt that two people that loved each other as much as they did should be big enough to work out their differences- but neither of them took too kindly to that statement, both telling him to mind his own business.

When Spot slid back through the window into the apartment, facing the anxiously awaiting David, he shook his head and sighed.

"I done what I could- it's up to them now."

But both remained too stubborn, too proud, to resolve their differences.

After time, both settled into their new lives apart. Jack dated a string of girls, and Sarah began a courtship with the accountant that had the office next to the one in which she worked- a courtship that was made awkward any time she mentioned her lower-class friends, the newsies. Mark Wilson's disapproval, combined with the fear that she would see Jack and the awkward situations that arose anytime they did happen to meet, kept her out of their lives. She was invited to their weddings, to the parties, to meet their babies, but for the most part she remained in touch only through the mail, not through face-to-face meetings.

A year after she gave up on Jack, Sarah married Mark in a small ceremony held in Manhattan that only their families attended. They said it was to avoid a large, expensive wedding and reception, but they both knew that it was because she wouldn't feel right excluding her old friends and he wouldn't feel right including them. She did send out announcements to several of the former newsies, but couldn't bring herself to send one to Jack.

By then, Jack had reluctantly begun to transition into an adult. It stung to admit to himself that Sarah had been right all along, that he couldn't really stay a newsie forever, but he had no other choice. By Sarah's first wedding anniversary he was a fairly well established reporter, using his ability to sensationalize to make his living. Occasionally she would see one of his stories on the front page, always with a garish headline, and she would shake her head and smile. Some things never changed.

She knew through the gossip of the others that he was seeing someone, and that it was actually serious this time. When she heard news of their engagement, she felt a strange twisting behind her stomach, and when she received the wedding invitation, she'd had to blink back tears; Jack didn't love her anymore. She knew that he was too kind-hearted to marry a girl if he was still in love with another. She also knew that she shouldn't be so hung-up on an old boyfriend as a married woman, but something about Jack had always destroyed the sense of propriety about her.

Despite all her efforts to avoid Jack over the two years prior, she felt drawn to the ceremony. She told Mark that she was going to lunch with some friends, knowing that he wouldn't question her, and walked to the church. She entered after most of the guests and sat in the back of the groom's side, hoping not to be recognized. When Jack appeared at the front of the aisle, flanked by David, his best man, she felt her heart skip a beat.

The wedding march played and the ceremony began. When the priest intoned "If there is anyone here who believes these two should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace," she almost jumped up, shouted- but restrained herself. She was married herself, after all, and it was clear from the look in Jack's eyes that he loved his bride. He had moved on.

She avoided the receiving line after the ceremony, suddenly feeling old. She knew almost everyone in there, but they all seemed to have changed so much. It was a shock to hear them all going by their given names; Racetrack, Spot, and Skittery were now Anthony, Aiden, and Michael, their girlfriends no longer Lily, Shadow, and Braids, but Allison, Breaghan, and Laura. Jack never went by Cowboy now, and Belle, his wife, never by Stagey. They had outgrown the old names, just as Sarah had outgrown her friends. She was struck with a sudden feeling that had she been more patient, stuck it out a little while longer, it could have been her glowing in Jack's arms as Belle was now.

As she turned to begin the walk back to her apartment, she pressed a hand against her abdomen, knowing that in six months she would have a child that wasn't fathered by the man she still truly loved, and she whispered a phrase that she would echo, seven years later, to her only child as they fled their apartment in the dead of night to escape her abusive husband as he lay in a drunken stupor.

"It's time to be a big girl now, and big girls don't cry."

AN: I'd been planning on returning to writing with something a little… happier, and I'm working on happy things, but the angst just seemed to be flowing better. I should say that Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry" came on the radio while I was working on this and inspired the last line, though by no means the fic. I think it's a good tag line though.

Anyways, let me know what you think!


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